Support Global Warming

There seems to be only two sides to the global warming (or is that climate change now? I can never keep up on political correctness). One side says that the Earth is getting warmer, AND THAT ALL LIFE WILL END, unless we stop it now. The other side says that SCIENCE IS BOGUS and that the earth is not getting warmer, and even if it is then it has nothing to do with all that carbon dioxide we are spewing out.

Guess what? Neither side represents me.

I am totally convinced that global warming is happening. I can see the pictures showing a decrease in global ice around the planet. I understand the laws of physics, so I know that carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas. I have no doubt that us humans are raising the temperature of the planet.

But here are my feelings about the whole thing: Bring on climatic change. I just don't care.

In fact, I want the planet to warm up. When I hear that there were times in the history of our planet that the temperature was much higher, I feel nostalgic, and I wasn't even around then. I love the idea of a huge world wide jungle. I want the planet to be hot and humid. I never want to be cold again. The perfect climate change would be turning up the global thermostat.

I am totally convinced that even Mother Gaia loves the heat. When I sleep, I can hear her tiny voice in my head. More heat. Turn up the thermostat. I think she evolved humans and gave them powerful brains and tool using hands for one reason and one reason only. To get all that carbon out of the ground and to burn it, so the planet would warm up.

Have you ever been to Hawaii? It is paradise. It even has the longest life expectancy of all fifty states. And why is it paradise? Because it is hot! Earth was never meant to have cold barren places inhospitable to humans. It was meant to be a tropical paradise. We need to turn more of the planet into Hawaii. Greenhouse gases are good for us and the planet.

There was a recent summit on global warming. And guess where they held it? You might think Iceland or Alaska or maybe even Siberia. You would think these people would love the cold. Even if they are secretly hypocrites, they would at least want to PRETEND that they love the cold. But no, they couldn't even pretend. They held their summit in Cancun, Mexico. I haven't been there myself, but I have seen pictures. This is the land of sun worshippers. Come on you global warming hypocrites, admit it, you love the sun. Your claim that global warming is going to destroy the planet is just a scam to make money.

And here is a note to Christiana Figueres. Stop praying to the ancient jaguar goddess Ixchel. Do you really think Ixchel will support your cause. Jaguars love jungle. And Ixchel is not only goddess of the moon, but she is the goddess of logic and imagination. I cannot imagine her supporting a cause that would result in less jungles.

Lets face it. Heat is good. When it is hot I feel alive, happy, vigorous and hopeful. When it is cold, I feel dead and hopeless. Cold makes me want to curl up in a ball and gorge myself to death. Heat makes me want to go outside and run and play.

If you are with me and support my cause, please burn a match and support global warming.